I believe that each individual has the strength and power within themselves to achieve fulfillment and joy in their lives. We, as human beings, often know what we want and need, but for some reason, we keep encountering inner obstacles, blocking us. I believe that these inner obstacles are result of pain stored in the mind and body that has not been processed and relieved, often without us even realizing it. I want to help you gain insight, learn coping skills, develop emotional tolerance levels, and improve your ability to successfully process through thoughts and feelings so to move forward.
Below is an example. It is a bit more simple than the average person, but it helps to explain the process:
A man named John comes to therapy because he is struggling with his self-confidence. He believes that if he just loses weight, he will feel better about himself. But he struggles to stick to a diet and lacks motivation to go to the gym. He has been struggling with being consistent with a lifestyle change for many years. He wants to learn how to follow-through with his goals, and he hopes that his therapist can help keep him accountable. He has not been able to have a successful career, and he thinks it may be because he is overweight.
As his therapist, I see that John’s main goal is not necessarily to get to the gym, but instead, to feel more confident and to feel valued. He is hoping to achieve this by changing his physical appearance, but the work and progress has to start before that. Why is such a simple thing like eating more nutritiously and exercises so hard? It seems simple, but, remember, we as people are more complicated than we wish we were. As he progresses in therapy, he discovers there are three main reasons:
1. John does not value himself. He believes he will have no value until he loses weight. The diet and exercise are then NOT part of loving himself and taking care of himself, but a part of punishment. He believes that he must suffer before he will be allowed to feel good about himself. Now, the truth is, suffering and pain is not a good inciter of motivation. In fact, John tries to motivate himself through shame and guilt, which, although sometimes effective in the short-term, is not a good long term motivator.
Holly Kirth Psychotherapy 